Chapter 13

With each passing moment came a thought of Jon. And as each passing thought came more resentment for my husband and more unhappiness for my family. That was growing more unhappy by the day.

I decided that I needed to pretend I was happy and if I did this everything would be OK. Everything was ok for several weeks until the time when my husband walked into the living room one night after the children had gone to bed; he sat down on the lounge next to me and simply said “Who is Jon Smith?”

The absolute shock and despair I felt is beyond description. It was beyond any comprehension. How did he know? Who told him? Was it Jon? – No of course not. He would never do that. He had as much to lose as I did. Was it Tracy? No – She would never do that. She promised me she would keep our secret.

Then who was it? My husband told me to go and check the computer and right there in front of me was copies of emails that I had sent to Jon and copies that he had sent to me. I was absolutely mortified. I sat and stared at that computer for hours and the longer I did the more furious I became. I didn't sleep that night or for many nights after that. My mind raced at a million miles an hour. How did he find out? And who sent that email? Who would do this?

Every person I saw was a ‘suspect’. From this point on I trusted no one. The next day when my best friend came to visit me I confronted her and she told me she would never do that, we were best friends. We trusted each other completely. I knew she was right, but I had to ask. I had to know straight from her. I had to have that reassurance that my best friend had not betrayed me. She sat with me and consoled me; she talked me through everything and tried her best to calm me down. Which worked to a degree. What a great friend I had in her. I knew I was lucky.

My husband also rang me to check up on me and to see if there had been any more emails from the mystery sender. Of course there wasn’t and in fact there would never be anymore emails from the mystery sender.

So now I could eliminate Tracy from my list of suspects that was growing by the minute. My mind did rest a little easier that night although I didn't sleep a wink. For the next 6 weeks I lived on very little sleep and only decided to check my emails occasionally and some times at Tracy’s for fear that someone had installed a keystroke logger and was watching my every move. I became paranoid. During the day when my hubby was at work I did a little bit of researching. I began with the ISP number on the bottom of the email. Not being overly computer literate I really had no idea what this would tell me, but I figured it was worth a try especially considering I had nothing else to go on. I rang service providers and searched for the name of the ISP that belonged to this particular number. To me absolute horror and after many hours and many days of investigating I found that the ISP number was infact mine! Yes that’s right someone using the same ISP as me had sent this email to my husband. This provided me with many more sleepless nights. I now had narrowed the suspect pool down to possibly my close friend and associates. An unsettling thought. I searched my brain, my memory banks for anything that could possibly be there to give me a hint. I came up with nothing. Everytime we had friends over for a meal I studied them, each of them at length for any clues, any indication that they had been the informant I came up with nothing! Until one night I was sorting out everything that I had gathered over the last 6 weeks or so and put 2 and 2 together. And yes 2 and 2 did infact make 4. Although I am sure George Orwell would disagree, and would probably have me tortured until I truly did believe that 2 and 2 were 5. Anyway I digress 2 and 2 did make 4. I suddenly sat bolt upright in bed in the very small hours of the morning and realised at that precise moment that the person who had sent those emails to my husband was lying in the bed snoring next to me! Yes the person who had sent those emails to my husband was my husband. Needless to say I had another night of sleeplessness. As I lay beside him I felt repulsed. I could not hate him more than I did at that moment, it would have been impossible to do so. As I lay there the one thought that keep coming back to the forefront of my mind was that I now had to prove it was him. I knew if I simply asked him he would deny it. I had to get proof.

I got up the next morning and showered before I got dressed. I cleaned my house and tended to my children. The very minute my husband left the premises to go and get some petrol for the lawn mower I telephone Tracy. I didn't let on to her that I knew it was Chris that sent the emails to himself. As at this stage I was still unclear as to how he could have done it. I told Tracy that I think there is a problem with our business page on the internet and I asked her if she would be so kind as to go there for me and send me an email from the link on that page. She did so and as the email came through my heart pounded. I honestly was not sure if I wanted the evidence or not. The email arrived and it had the same ISP number. I sent an email to Tracy thanking her and when she replied I checked the ISP number and it was different. I checked all other emails she had sent me and they were all different. What the hell was going on?

I checked all other emails that we had sent and all our emails had the same ISP number. I called our Internet Service Provider and asked them why our number is always the same but others who send emails are different. I was told that because we have a business the ISP number is fixed. So all emails will have the same ISP number and no one else will have the same ISP number as us even if they go through the same Internet Service Provider. I questioned him about receiving an email with the same ISP number as ours and he said the only way that could happen is if it was actually sent by us from our computer.

There was my evidence. However I still had no idea how he got the information to begin with, but I would find out.

Chapter 12

I knew the risks and I knew what I could lose. I knew that it would be me that would end up broken hearted. However blinded by the love I had always had for him I knew I would settle for nothing less.

Over the previous six months – the same six months that I had been on that strict diet and exercise plan my marriage began to deteriorate. The more compliments I got from my friends and the more encouragement I got with each kilo I lost I began to resent my husband. Not once during that time did he tell me I looked good or that something I was wearing looked good. He didn’t even give me any encouragement to continue losing weight. Personally I think the problem was that for the first time in the 15 years we had been married the focus was not on him. People began to notice ME. They complimented me. I loved it. It was something new to me, and something I could get used to. I had one of our male friends whom we had known for more than 10 years that I looked very sexy. This is what gave me the confidence to flirt with Jon. I guess I wanted to see how far I could push the boundaries. I had always been governed by rules. I loved rules. If I had rules I knew what my boundaries were. Without rules I didn’t have boundaries and that uncharted territory was something so exciting and incredibly appealing to me.

Right now I didn't want rules or boundaries. My mind was made up. I decided to see how far Jon was willing to go. I wanted to know if he was serious. I wanted to know if he was as interested in me as he led me to believe. But most of all I just wanted to be with him, just one more time. I wanted his naked flesh next to mine; no I wanted him deep inside of me.

I ever so subtly let him know I was interested in getting closer to him. He ever so subtly let me know he was interested in me. After many emails and calls at odd hours of the day and night we had set a date. Jon was going to take me out to dinner. After dinner we were going to take a nice barefoot walk along the beach before we retired to a beautiful motel suite for the night. We organised the wine, the chocolates, the whipped cream, the roses we planned it all. All I had to do was organise time off work and organise the family. I had no conscience at that point so I knew and understood what I was doing was wrong. But I didn't care. I knew what I was doing could cost me my marriage but I didn't care about that either. All I cared about was one last time with Jon Smith. I knew that when I had done it once I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt so I knew in my heart that this would be the one and only time. I knew I had to make the most of it.

I tried to go on with my life as though nothing was wrong. I had confided in Tracy. She was so excited for me. We had discussed many times what would happen if we had that one last chance with our high school loves. Both of us knew what we would do with out hesitation in this situation.

Tracy gave nme all the encouragement I needed to go ahead with my decision. In a sense she gave me her blessing. She told me that it would be a secret, our secret. That we would take to our graves. I trusted her with my life. I had never had any reason not to. We had confided in each other for ten years or more. We told each other everything. I trusted her completely. I trusted her like I had never ever trusted anyone in my life. Not even my best friend growing up. Tracy and I were soul sisters.

There was one thing Tracy neglected to tell me though. However I wouldn’t find out about it for another three years.

As I said Jon and I planned every detail of our night of passion right down to the red rose petals that we were to be scattered on the carpet leading into the bedroom. The wine would be chilling, and soft music would be playing for us as we entered the dimly lit room. The scent of lavender would fill our nostrils as we opened the door.

I began to really look forward to it. It consumed my every thought. If I was showering I would picture us showering together, probably several times in a night of passion. If I was cooking for my family I would imagine I was cooking something exotic for Jon. When I ironed my husbands shirts I would pretend I was ironing Jon’s shirts early in the morning before he went off to a hard day at the office. Whatever I had done on any given day at any given time I always managed to turn it around to somehow involved Jon. Before long the pretend life I had with Jon began to interfere with my real life of a husband who was self absorbed and children constantly wanting attending. To me it seemed such a happier life. My real life revolved around what my family wanted to do. It seemed very seldom I got to do something that I wanted to do. For a short time I became angry, selfish and jealous.

I became resentful everytime something had to be done that I didn't want to do. I began to hate my husband. I became the selfish self absorbed one. I hated family gatherings. They were never that much fun anyway. I guess I just gave myself reason to hate them more. In all honesty I didn't plan on sticking around anyway. Because hey, I was gonna spend forever with Jon. Isn’t that how all fairy tales end? The princess gets to spend eternity with the handsome prince, who satisfies her every whim?

Chapter 11

And yes they were right, Jon was working in his garden. As we walked up the driveway he turned in our direction. It was obvious that he had no idea who we were. And Tracy was whispering in my ear something to the effect of “Cute, very cute. Not bad at all”.

Immediately I turned red with embarrassment and tried really hard not to smile. I removed my sunglasses and he recognized me instantly. The garden tool was dropped from his hand and fell to the ground. He didn’t even look to see where it was about to land. In the next swift movement I was in his arms. Oh my god how good did it feel to be in his arms once again after all this time? He invited us in and asked if we wanted a drink. Tracy decided to give us some privacy and elected to take a stroll around the town while I sat and had a nice hot cuppa. Jon and I talked and talked, we laughed and joked and there were also moments of uncomfortable silence where we both just sat and looked at each other. Taking each other in. Studying the features of each other. His eyes appeared bluer than I remembered them being. His body was larger than I remember it to be. He had put on weight, but it suited him very well. There was also the hint of grey flecking through his dark hair. This just added to his sexiness. To date he is still an incredibly sexy man.

Tracy returned after about 30 minutes or so and joined us once again for a coffee. We left shortly after that. I got one more hug from that man before I got back in the car. I am so glad he was home and so glad I was pushed in the right direction to go and see him on that bright sunny day.

Back in the car and on our way home Tracy asked me what happened during her absence.. She was expecting some sordid sex romp, butt o her disappointment that didn't happen. I told her that nothing happened and he was the perfect gentleman the entire time.

Later I found out that he had had and affair only 6 months after he was married and as a result he was very wary around women. He didn’t want to give them the wrong impression. At that time I didn’t want to be given the wrong impression.

The years passed and we lost contact again. He had stayed married to the same girl and had 2 children. His wife had apparently suffered post natal depression after the birth of the first child. And when the second one came along less than two years later she didn’t cope very well at all. And that put more of a strain on an already strained marriage. His life went on and he coped with it the best that he knew how. I on the other hand, although I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I had moved on too. I had been lucky enough to not only hear from him but to see him, but as I said earlier I was blissfully happy ion my marriage. I didn’t want to interfere with his life. So I pretty much tried to put him out of my mind. That was easier said than done.

I decide to go back to work as my children were older now and all at school. I began to take courses and in time I acquired a degree. Life was good then. Just as I thought my mind had settled down Tracy wanted to go and visit her family again. After a lot of thought, I asked myself many times did I want to go back there? Should I just let sleeping dogs lie? Would he still want to hear from me? Could I see him and not let it affect me? In my heart I already knew the answers to all of these questions. Above all else though, I wanted to see him just one more time.

Tracy and I planned the trip and our departure. We organised our families and packed our things, and off we went. Listening to the likes of Meat Loaf, Bon Jovi, ABBA, Bryan Adams and anything else that would help us stay awake for the long journey.

I didn’t go away from my family very often but each time I did I remember feeling a great sense of relief as though I had left all my stresses behind. For the six months prior to embarking on this journey. I had been on a very strict diet and had lost an awful lot of weight. I was the thinnest I had been in 15 years. It gave me confidence that I had never known. It felt good and for the first time in my life I knew I looked good.

I wore a tailored royal blue skirt that went just above the knee, not too short but not too long either. Certainly short enough to show off my new shapely legs, which I was pretty proud of. Covering my torso I had a white sleeveless top slightly see through, depending on the light. Specifically chosen to remind him of that white dress. The tope did have the desired effect.

I walked up to his door as confidently as I could. I stood tall and sucked in my breath before I knocked. He answered immediately as if he were waiting for me on the other side of the door. The second the door opened he took me into his arms and squeezed my body so tightly against his strong firm frame. Oh my goodness the feel of his body gave me visions of every sin known to man. No to mention the fact that I now wanted to commit every sin known to man!!

At that precise moment I knew then and there that I wanted his body, naked on top of mine!!!!!!

Chapter 10

Finally at about 4:30pm the phone did ring, and yes it was him. It was during this phone call that he said he had vivid memories of me in that white dress.

We spoke for sometime about life and work and family and whatever else we could think of. It was as if we had never been apart. The conversation flowed so easily and comfortably.

Throughout my life I would only hear from him sporadically but when I did it made all those months of no contact so worth it. After that call I didn't hear from him again for about 6 months, so when my phone rang late one night and I picked it up to a very drunken Jon who simply said “Hi”, I knew the voice instantly but considering I was just about to climb into bed with my husband I played a little dumb and asked who it was. He told me he wouldn’t tell me who it was but he did say that it was someone who wanted to ravish my breasts. I was absolutely horrified. Since I had been married no-one had ever spoken to me like that, not even my husband! I promptly hung up the phone and climbed into bed with my husband very embarrassed. I was thankful for the light to be turned off.

Chris, my husband asked me who it was; I told him I had no idea. Although I knew exactly who it was because I would know that voice anywhere, I didn’t need to be told who it was. If I didn't hear that voice for 20 years I would still know who’s it was the very second I heard it.

I smiled myself to sleep that night. And many a night after that one. I can tell you I got quite a buzz out of that little statement even if I didn't know how to respond at the time. I guess I didn't appreciate it until years later. He never called me again after he had been drinking.

One day when I was on holiday he called. I was laying down on the lounge and hubby had just taken the children down to the in ground swimming pool for a cool swim. I had just dozed off when the Cell phone rang. We had diverted all calls from the home phone to the cell phone so that we wouldn’t miss any important calls. At the time I didn't understand how call diversion worked so to my delight at hearing his voice was short lived by the horror of thinking that hubby would know that the call was from Jon. The call would have lasted less than a minute before I told him I had to go. If I only had known when call diversion is in place it only registers from the phone it is being diverted from and not the phone the call originates.

The thrill of getting that call out of the blue was hard to keep under control. It did bring a smile to my lips every now and again

I returned Jon’s call when I got him and explained to him why I couldn’t talk to him. He was less than impressed. But hey, such is life. You can’t please every one all of the time. His disappointment was obvious though which I have to admit was nice.

It must have been about 6 months or more when Tracy and I decided it was time to take another trip, as usual we went to visit her family, but I didn't mind that at the time. Her grandfather was a lovely old man and as usual we went home via Jon’s home. That lovely place on the lake. I parked the car around the corner just like I had done the time before. I walked around to the office and entered. This time there was no nervousness, I didn't sit in the car trying to pluck up the courage or trying to calm my nerves. The 2 lovely men that were behind the desk greeted me kindly. I told them what I was there for and who I wanted to see. I was infact informed that Jon was not in that day. The older of the two gentlemen said that he is at home and at present he is working in his garden., he went on to tell me that he just waved to Jon as he drove past him. The older gentlemen who was most helpful called Jon’s number but there was no answer. Both men said just go by his place he would be happy to see you. They offered me directions and yes I had actually parked my car outside his place, right there over looking the water. That is actually how it came to be known as The Lake House. Long before that movie with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves came out.

I was now faced with a dilemma. Do I just turn up on his door step after all these years or do I ask one of the men to come with me or do I ask them to call him until he answers? On top of these questions was the fact that his wife would possibly be there. I decided to ask them to call again, my excuse being that he may be busy and not want to be interrupted. The younger of the two gentlemen dialed Jon’s number again. As he did so he said to me “You said your name is Sarah didn't you?”

“Yes” I said

He put the phone down and said “There is no need to call; Jon would love to see you”

Taking me by the shoulder he guided me to the door and said “Second house on the right, down the long driveway near the water. Just there where that red car is parked”

My dear friend Tracy followed along behind and once we got out of the line of vision she gave me an excited little squeeze and said “Jon must have mentioned you if they know who you are”

I was now horrified and frightfully nervous. What had he said about me? Who had he said it too? And how much had he told whomever he had told? All of those questions were running around in my head when I made it to the entrance of his property……

Chapter 9

Inside I went to find 2 of his business associates catching up on some work that they didn't get finished through the week. I found out that on this particular day Jon was out of town on business. So, after plucking up all that courage I missed seeing him. However, I did leave my phone number for him to call. We drove home and I had a mixture of emotions wondering whether I had done the right thing by dropping by and leaving my number. I had actually found out that day that he had gotten married just six months ago. So that added to my state of emotions.

Oh well. It was done now and I just had to wait and hope for the best.

I made it home after dropping Tracy and her daughter off at around 9pm Sunday night. It had been a really long day on top of a really long weekend. Tracy didn't like driving so I did most of the driving. But I really didn't mind that to be honest. I much prefer to drive than be the passenger. And I really didn't feel comfortable with her driving. To this day I still don’t like her driving.

My house was empty when I got there which I enjoyed simply because it gave me time to sort out my day and what had happened, and what was going through my mind. I emptied out my traveling gear from the car and took it inside going straight to the shower once I had finished. As the warm water cascaded down my body I thought of Jon. I really didn’t know if I had made the right decision or not. But as I said earlier it was done and there was nothing I could do to change it now. I just had to live with it.

My family arrived home and I had to go on as if nothing happened. As far as I know my husband didn't pick up on anything at that time.

After I got the kids all settled into bed. Hubby and I sat and talked for sometime before we ourselves settled into bed. Just like most other couples who don’t see each other for a few days we made love. My husband has always been very gifted in that area, he worked out very early in our marriage how to push the right buttons and when. As a result I never went to sleep unsatisfied.

As I sit here and reflect on that day I am listening to Jon Bon Jovi singing Damned on my stereo – one of my all time favourite songs. I tend to reflect whenever I hear that song.

As the words echo in the background my mind continues…

As my husband continued to satisfy me in a way that only he knew how my mind was focused on Jon. Although I had not even laid eyes on him, he was all I could think of. It took me a long time to sleep that night

As I awoke the next morning, I made hubby his lunch and said goodbye to him as he left for work. My kids we all up and having breakfast before they were to go to school. I think my oldest two were the only ones at school at the time and the youngest one was either in day care or at home with me. It is so long ago now that my memory is beginning to fade.

My friend Tracy must have called me about 15 times that day checking to see if he had called me yet. I told her that he would not be able to get through simply because she was tying up the phone line. We agreed that she would stop calling me and the minute I got off the phone from him I would call her to let her know every detail. The day went on and I still had not heard anything from him so I assumed he was not going to call, much to my disappointment.

By 2:30pm and still no call from him I got ready to go to school to pick up my children. Just as I was walking out the door the phone rang. For half a second I thought about ignoring it and leaving it to the answering machine, after all it was probably just Tracy anyway. But then the responsible parent side of me kicked in and I thought I better go and answer it just incase it was an important call. To my absolute delight it was Jon.

Unfortunately terrible timing though but boy it was good to hear his voice. I had never forgotten the sound of it. He spoke so dignified, so professionally with still the hint of a country boy. His laugh sent shivers up and down my spine. He apologized for not being at work the day before. What was unfortunate though was the fact that I had to go. I explained to him that I was just walking out the door to collect my children and wouldn’t be back for about half an hour or more. He understood and said he would call me back.

I ran so fast up to school so that I wouldn’t be late, collected my children and then went to preschool to pick up the other one. Unfortunately I also had to go to Tracy’s to take her to run an errand. I told her that he was calling back so thankfully she understood that I wanted to get home in a hurry and she didn't muck around for the first time in her life. I dropped her back at home and got to my house as soon as I possibly could. I had caller ID on my phone so I could tell he had not called in my absence. After organizing my children I sat on the lounge with all the notes from the schools and read while I waited rather impatiently for the phone to ring. Finally, just as I was about to give up the phone did ring……..

Chapter 8

I was standing out on the verandah along with Natasha and her boyfriend and his mates. They were all smoking dope, something I never really got into thankfully. I did give it a try though. I was just standing sort of away from the main group as I didn't want to breathe that smoke in and this group of guys came along and one of them stood next to me. I didn't recognize him at first, and then I noticed it was Jon. At the same time he recognized me. Once again my little heart fluttered. There is no other man in the entire world that can make my heart flutter the way he can. Actually, yes there is – Jon Bon Jovi does. Funnily enough they both spell their names the same way! It’s an omen! It’s a sign! But I can’t see myself running into that Jon anytime soon. Unfortunately.

We said hello to each other and caught up on a little bit of gossip and at that time he noticed I was pregnant. Ever so gently he touched my stomach, not just a light finger tap. This was an open handed palm touch. He gave my small growing belly a little rub and then an affectionate squeeze and asked “How many is this?”

“Number 2” I said.

“Very nice” was the reply while he still touched my stomach.

Natasha wanted to go home so we had to leave. Much to my disappointment. I could have stayed there at that moment forever. To feel his touch on my body arose emotions that I thought had long ago settled. Natasha and I both arrived in the same car so I really didn't have any choice. So reluctantly I said my goodbyes and we left.

That was the last time I had heard from him for about 7 years.

Time goes by and life goes on. And of course I had married and now my growing family had become 3 children. Moving away from my home stomping ground was the best thing I could have ever done. I simply just focused on my family, and was more content than I had ever been. Life stayed this way for many years. My children were the most important people in my life. I enjoyed teaching them to read and cook and share and to be good young people.

When my youngest child was 3 my husband met a family that had 3 young children. Although their children were older than ours they all seemed to get on well. I finally met the wife and she and I got on like a house on fire. I trusted her and she trusted me. in time we told each other our inner most secrets. It was like being back in high school again. We became best buddies. Her name was Tracy.

She told me about this guy she was in love with when she was 15 and that she could never forget him. I told her about Jon and how I felt and what had happened between us. And one day I also told her that I would love to see him again if I ever got the opportunity.

The thoughts were tossed around in our heads for a while before we decided to take a trip back to her home town. Her daughter had gone there to visit with family. So our cover would be we were going there to pick up her daughter. I remember my excitement. We left early on Friday morning for the 14 hour drive. We both had the same taste in music so the journey was pleasurable, with very few hiccups along the way. We arrived tired but in one piece. Thankfully we have these wonderful service stations here that allow you to shower. So I was clean and refreshed when I arrived. The family was actually the sister of my friend. She was a lovely, very attractive woman for her age. She had obviously looked after herself much better than my friend did. Her house was immaculate. Infact she was the opposite to my friend. My friend Tracy was lazy and smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and neglected her children. Her sister was clean, didn't smoke, and only drank socially and looked after her family in a manner that a wife and mother should. Although having said that I did learn that a few years later her marriage did fall apart. Apparently this woman hooked up with her husbands best friend, and apparently her husband hooked up with the wife of his best friend. So they basically did a spouse swap. Slightly odd if you ask me but I guess no body did actually ask me.

We stayed there for two nights. I had a very enjoyable time. I found Tracys sister really lovely. I couldn’t believe two people from the same womb could be so different, but evidently they can.

Early Sunday morning the sun rose and we awoke to embark on the long journey home. Something I honestly wasn’t looking forward to considering we had Tracys daughter with us. She was just someone I couldn’t take to. Everything about her annoyed me. I hated the annoying way she tormented me. She was cheeky, disobedient, and very disrespectful to other people’s belongings. Thankfully this changed as she got older, and now she is a lovely young lady.

When we planned this trip we decided to take a detour home. Tracys grandfather lived half way between the town her sister lived and the lake where Jon Smith lived and worked. So we went to visit gramps. We stayed there a few hours and all the while I was getting more and more excited as I knew where I was headed next. He was a lovely old man who thought I was Tracys sister. So to make him happy I pretended to be her.

I think the poor old thing died happy knowing that he had seen both his granddaughters before he went.

I had studied the maps before hand so I had a good idea of where I was going even though I had never been there before. It took us 2 hours to get from gramps’s house to the lake house. I pulled the car to a stop around the corner from the office building where he worked. I did not expect anyone to be there on a Sunday. I sat in the car for several minutes plucking up the courage to go inside.

Finally I did so, I opened the car door and felt the cool air on my face as I walked down the concrete path to the door of the building, I put my hand on the door handle and opened it…..

Chapter 7

We talked for a little while mostly about the mother of his girlfriend and my boyfriends mother. How tragic it was to waste time talking about the two of thm. Apparently his girlfriends mother was a real cow. So was my boyfriends mother. Jon ended up breaking up with that girl, it wasn’t until years later that he told me that he really did love her and regretted breaking up with her. Unfortunately for me I married that boyfriend and hence am stuck with his cow of a mother. It’s not unfortunate that I married him its just unfortunate that now I am stuck with her. They, whoever ‘They’ are always say that your love is the person you married and not their parents or any other members of their family but any of us who are married know that that’s not always the case. If either of you have a family that does not meddle or interfere then your relationship will flourish. But if you have a mother that still controls her son no matter how old he is then the relationship is bound to have problems. As far as I am concerned though, it is my husbands choice to a still allow his mother to control every aspect of his life then that’s his problem. I will go more into detail about this old bag later but now I want to get back to that night.

Jon told me that he needed to get going as it was really late. So I redirected him so that he was only a house or 2 away from my house when we once again stopped the car and continued to talk, all the while his fingers were lightly brushing against my leg. I had positioned myself so that I was now sitting sideways in the passenger seat of his car; I was facing him instead of facing towards the direction of the car window. The area his fingers were covering gradually became larger. The longer he brushed against my leg the higher he went so that eventually he was quite high on my thigh before he stopped and lingered there for sometime. I am not really sure now to be honest but at some point I ended up in the back seat of his car with him on top of me!

The pleasure I felt that night was like nothing I had felt in my life. I was totally satisfied in every sense of the word. It seemed to me that we were the only two people in the entire world. At that time no one else existed. The world could have come to an abrupt end right then and there and I would have died so very happy.

This was the very same week my grandfather died. So I remember it well. When I got home – finally, my parents were furious. As expected my mother went off. She was a very tall woman and when she spoke one listened, and listened well. I remember she said something and I guess feeling the jubilation I was feeling I spoke back. Something you just did not do to my mother. She was never a meddler in peoples lives but when she spoke you did listen and you did not talk back. She ruled her household with an iron fist. She raised her hand to slap my face. I don’t know what possessed me to do so, but I grabbed her wrist in mid flight and I’ll never forget what I said to her. I looked straight up into her eyes and said “Don’t ever raise your hand to me again.” I let go of her hand and walked out of the room and up the hall to my room on very shaky legs. I, needless to say didn't sleep well that night. Probably a combination of the events with Jon and what happened with my mother. I had never done anything like that before, and am still not sure what possessed me to act like that.

It was that night at eighteen years of age that I decided I would leave home at my earliest convenience.

It was now late July and the weather had turned cold. Life in my house was strained and very uncomfortable at times. By September I had made plans to vacate. It was the last day of September that I finally moved my things out. I moved in with my boyfriend Chris – yes the same one with the awful mother. That boyfriend later became my husband.

It was only a matter of weeks after leaving home that I discovered that I was pregnant. I had no doubts that the child was my boyfriends as I would have had to be pregnant for 12 months for it to have been Jon’s child.

Once I left home life was pleasant. My boyfriend and I enjoyed each others company and loved our new life together. With the impending delivery of our baby life couldn’t get any better.

I didn't hear from Jon again for a few years. I had heard that he became a Solicitor and that he was working not far from where I lived. Infact it was in the very same street. I lived about 3 kilometers from his work. It was a very long street in the city. I wondered what it would be like to see him again now; our lives had changed in so many ways. I knew I couldn’t see him though. I deliberately avoided going anywhere near that end of the street simply because I knew what would happen if I did. At that point in my life I had no intentions of jeopardizing my marriage, not even with Jon.

The time passed and Chris and I moved house, still in the same area but a different town. Our family was growing and we were about to add another member. This was the next time I saw Jon. It was purely by accident.

Natasha and I were both pregnant at the same time and so we decided a girls night out would be a pretty safe adventure. Considering neither of us would be drinking, we could hardly get ourselves into mischief. She suggested we go back to our Local. I had not been there for about four years and knew that he worked away so I really didn't expect to see him. However sometimes our expectations go beyond our wildest dreams………..